Hansi

3 PM, very unusual time on a Sunday afternoon. I should be on my bed, binging both on food and Chimp Empire. But sadly, here I am in this gaudy house of a government servant. Hansini, what sort of a man has this name. 

I have no idea what his surname is but I'm guessing he's a South Indian. He can't stop judging me. Too bad he has to trust me. I wonder what he does apart from scratching his balls and eating like a pig. 

This pc is probably from the stone age, it's keys have barely been touched since the 19th century, my fingers ache from the 5 times that I've tried typing. Anyway, the problem at hand here is that Hansini, the shady motherfucker from this stone age PC tried to enter the dark web and downloaded child porn which was not the only thing that got downloaded, with it he invited a million notorious viruses. 

The idiot thought that he has deleted the porn but even a 5th grader knows that the file has to be deleted from the recycle bin. My job here is to figure out a way to kill the viruses. I've been told by Hansi that the PC contains very important, discreet information and that I have to save anyhow without any compromise. So I check for solutions on Google, lol. 

Just kidding, I know my shit. I've been doing it since I was 7, a geek kid who found validation by defeating viruses. At 25, I have more experience than this fat pig's salary number. I start with the basics first, running the virus checks show that the virus is way more notorious than I had anticipated and worse, it is on the C drive, which is apparently filled with confidential information.

Hansi has gone to the loo, I quickly check the drive and it blows my mind. The drive is filled with aadhar card data of at least 10 lac people. It is beyond me that this chutiya has been trusted with this information and in this pc. Fuck it's started to heat so much. I am not even started yet and the system has started to give up on me, pretty much like my father. Uhh, I need to concentrate. I insert my hard disc and begin to work. I have to figure out a way to back up the data before cleaning the drive. 

I am working very intently as Hansi comes to me, places his chair right beside, smokes a cigarette and asks me, "Why is it taking so long?" I wish I could tell him, "Khud kar le" but I just tell him without looking, "At it sir. Finishing asap." I need to tell this guy that the system is fucked and that it's the mother dies or the child dies situation. So we save the computer or the data of 1 million people. "Sir, is your pc important?" "Why you ask? He's tensed." "Arre sir, the viruses have attacked the c drive. Very difficult to save the pc. So we'll have to transfer the data to other drive to save the data but that would fuck the pc, I mean kill your pc." He was clearly not impressed hearing this. He started panicking. "No no. If the pc stops working, it will go for inspection by the higher authority and it will compromise all my personal data. Can't be doing that. Find another way." I now understand the panic. The pc is filled with the kind of porn that could land him in jail. 

But he's not understanding that if the data is fucked, he'll not be jailed but hanged until he stops squirming like a pig that he is. "Sir, I get it. But the data is very sensitive and I don't think there is a way that we can save both." "Aye, I'll call the other guy." Fucker doesn't know that the best in the country is in the room. I let him do what he wants to. He dials a guy who helps hack into ex girlfriend's Instagram for cheap money. The guy knows me. "Oh okay." I know what he has said. He comes back and tries to talk to me like a human. "Bro please, you have to find a way." I shake my head, "Sir you have to understand, I have tried everything and told you what can be the solution." He starts panicking and fidgets like he's in an animal cage and then does the obvious. 

Makes a neat whiskey glass for himself, gulps it down like water. And again and again and again. He then comes, dizzying comes and sits back in the chair. "Fuck the janta, they are all anyway North Indians, bhenchod. They don't consider us Indians. Save my pc. I'll tell them the pc was stolen, burn it after backing up the data. I want it. Can't download it again bhenchod." It takes me a few moments to realize what this mofo is saying. I look at him blankly. "Kar le chutiye. 10 lac dunga. Tere 1 saal ki salary bhi nahi hai itni." It is lucrative but I have to do a risk analysis before saying yes. 

What if I'm caught in the end? But the amount he's offering is insane. It'd sort the business setup that I wish to do so that I don't have to work with these government crooks anymore. "Bol jaldi" the pig has no patience. "Okay sir. I'll do it." The fat pig drags himself to the work desk, takes the cheque out from the drawer and starts writing. He signs it and comes towards me, as he does, the fat pig loses his balance and falls head first on the floor. He's a goner. The floor legit shook for 4 seconds. It again took me a few moments to realize that the cheque is right there.

I can rush in 15 mins to the bank and get the cash in my account, while fucking his pc and his life forever. The reason can be as simple as that I couldn't save the virus, back up the data while encashing the amount. Hansi will not be able to say a word why he gave me the money as it'd invite further investigation. All was set. I quickly finished the work. Backed up the data, went to the bank and deposited the cheque, went back home and began the binging. The chimps looked a little evolved today. I wonder why. 2 hrs later, Hansi sent me laughing while crying emoji and a few moments later, a msg from the bank that the cheque has bounced and 3,000 have been debited from my account. Fuck Hansi.