THE WANT TO BE WANTED

The old man sat quietly near the window on his rocking chair, just observing. Observing the kids playing outside and remembering the times when he was young and flamboyant. He thought of the times when he didn't require a reason to smile. Smiling was the easiest thing to do, unlike now. He remembered how he was guarded by his parents all the time. All these thoughts brought tears to his still, weak eyes. He sat there expressionless. Like he always did, as he knew that there was no one to listen to his sorrows, his beliefs, it all seemed old fashioned now. Inside he was screaming out loud, bursting out his emotions but outside he sat dead still.

He overheard his son telling his wife that he hopes to get rid of him soon. That he is disturbing his privacy. These words were enough to not stop the flow of tears. Amazing thing about old age is that, every part of your body becomes slow and start failing but the tear glands remain the same. He still sat still, expressionless. Remembering how his son used to cry every time he talked about going away someday. And all the son required was a hug. The tears vanished and the smile appeared as if a magic wand was waved. The old man longed for a hug. A promising hug from anyone so that he could not feel relieved but he could cry out loud without reluctance. Knowing that someone was around him, to feel secured. They say that, once you get old you become a child again. With a lot of innocence and questions. You require attention all the time. He gets none. As he sits there, he wishes the time to pass by a little quicker. His want to be wanted will die gradually with him..

FALLING IN LOVE WITH LOVE

It was nothing like the normal evenings. As I was walking down the road, with my headphones on, I was wondering why people were so anguish about the fact that it is going to rain again. I mean, just 2 days ago everyone was annoyed that it doesn't rain enough in Gujarat and when it does you crib about it. Anyways, I was having a very serene time. The cool wind was brushing my cheeks, the sky was red and of course the people around were a distraction. I wished the road was empty, empty spaces have a beauty of their own. Now, I know you have formed a comfortable setting in your mind that now I am going to meet a angelic girl whose face is covered with hair and I am going to bump into her and fall in love. No this article is not about me falling in love. It is about me falling in love with love.

I kept on walking for a long time, far away from my home. Today certainly wasn't a day to stay at home. I reached a point where there was a tea stall and had to halt there as the rain had started pouring quite heavily. There was a bunch of youngsters, having their tea and talking about a "fatka" which they commonly know of. It was too disturbing topic to pay attention to at this point of time, when the weather was near to perfect so I put my headphones back and gazed the pouring rain. The only living things which were truly relishing the rains were stray dogs. They were having a ball! Going crazy, jumping over each other, running after each other, doing all the things which humans normally do. While I was looking at these stray dogs suddenly an old couple, who looked like they were in their mid 60s came to the tea stall and asked for a glass of tea. They were totally drenched and happy in each others company. They were laughing, touchy with each other, so much that the bunch of youngsters paused their discussion for a while. But the oldies hardly cared. They were so much engrossed in themselves that they couldn't see the world around them. They had tea from the same glass, sip by sip, turn by turn. Ohh, so filmy. There was no stopping them, once they finished they left the stall as they had entered. Laughing aloud like a young couple without the care of the world. While I stood there and wondered, such a strong power, emotion, weapon is love. It not only injects happiness in the people who are in love but also the ones who are around you. No matter if one is in love or not, if you see a couple in love, a mother showing affection towards her son or even an animal showing love in its own unique way, it makes you smile. Love, in our minds has ended up being a vague term but it has such a beautiful meaning and appliance. As I wondered all this, I saw the old couple, walking hand in hand, on the empty street without the care of the world. Spreading smiles across the faces of people who were looking. They were not only in love with each other but were spreading love all around. 

I 'AM'DAVADI

    

Well, after my first blog yesterday I am back again. I am feeling totally diverse to what I was feeling yesterday. You all must be familiar to a phase where you feel so annoyed or emotional or anguished or aghast and you start writing feverously, belting out all emotions, literally smashing your keypad and at the end of it feel relieved, rejuvenated and less burdened. That’s what writing does to you and that’s how I felt yesterday; Okay, so enough of gyan. Let’s talk something practical today.

I’ll start my today’s article by giving a little background about myself and then moving forward. I am a guy who was born and brought up in Kolkata. I was living a not so lavish life. But I had friends who made my living extravagant. Very soon after I completed my secondary education after several hiccups my parents decided that we will be better off in Gujarat and so, here I am. I won’t talk much about how I felt at that point of time. It obviously didn’t feel fantastic, but yes I disliked my parents’ decision. Ahmedabad did look grand, the big roads, the rich people, evident from the fact that the amount of food they consumed. A new chapter of my life started here. The people were extremely different, different in mannerisms, thinking, the way of talking. It definitely didn’t feel like I was at home for a few days. Until I joined school, made a few friends and understood the ‘amdavadi’ ideology. Everyone is so confident about themselves; regardless of the fact that they cannot spell the word ‘English’ itself correctly. But the confidence is so high that they can keep on arguing on the fact that it wasn’t their fault and maybe I read it wrong. And hold on, by the end of the argument you might just be convinced that indeed you read it wrong!

The people here are flashy; they wear so bright colors that you wouldn’t require sunlight at times. The accent which they carry is as close to a code language, yes maybe more difficult than the C++.  Ahmedabad can be a very difficult place to live in for a guy who comes from a metropolitan city. No, not just because Gujarat is a dry state but because the ideologies are way too different. But there is something about this city that keeps you hooked on. May be there is a positivity in the atmosphere which is infectious. The people here are both hard working and dignified at the same time. It is not just the Modi effect; it is the people’s effect. It is the people of Amdavad who make it what it is today. I thought otherwise when I had come here but today I do not feel reluctant to say that I love Ahmedabad. Not that I miss Kolkata any less, but I am better off here. This city doesn’t help you stand up when you have had a fall. Trust me; no one would give a shit. And so you can say that in a way this city teaches you to be self-reliant and be hard enough to take a fall. For all the people who are reading this belonging to somewhere outside Gujarat, I remember the line by Amitabh Bachchan, “Kuch din toh Guzaro Gujarat mein”. 

                                              YOU

There are times when nothing seems to be going your way. You want to go right but life forces you to take a left. You feel downtrodden and want to break free but there are no proper opportunities. You feel bounded even though you are living in an amicable atmosphere. You have some great friends, with whom you have spent the best days of your life but they are not able to help you in any manner, no matter how hard they try. You feel that something is missing in your life constantly and keep searching for that ‘something’ until you get tangled in this vicious circle, the circle where the things are either wrong or right. When things are right according to you, the world puts in all its efforts to prove it wrong and when things are wrong, you just cannot voice out your opinion because the world is very loud and much greater in number. You sometimes want to break the shackles and face the world all alone but that doesn’t seem possible, a hefty, a larger than life task. You want someone by your side all the time; it can be your friend, your sibling, your parent, anyone. The want for someone’s affection is never ending; it is the affection which keeps us alive and helps in being strong enough to fight the world. You see your parents taking some wild decisions, decisions which are distinctly not viable, according to you. You want to stop them, but cant. They are too “experienced” to take your opinions into considerations. Even if they listen they end up doing what they feel is right. And at this moment you feel like you have no confidence at all. You have seen the world, yet you have not seen it. You have been through all the bad situations, yet you haven’t seen the worst. It is amazing how life takes so many interesting twists and turns and you just cannot cope with it at times. You might have thousands of well- wishers but in the end it’s only YOU who matters. YOU who has the power to change your own life, to do what YOU feel is right because it is YOU who tomorrow will turn around and say, “I have survived”.