Hansi

3 PM, very unusual time on a Sunday afternoon. I should be on my bed, binging both on food and Chimp Empire. But sadly, here I am in this gaudy house of a government servant. Hansini, what sort of a man has this name. 

I have no idea what his surname is but I'm guessing he's a South Indian. He can't stop judging me. Too bad he has to trust me. I wonder what he does apart from scratching his balls and eating like a pig. 

This pc is probably from the stone age, it's keys have barely been touched since the 19th century, my fingers ache from the 5 times that I've tried typing. Anyway, the problem at hand here is that Hansini, the shady motherfucker from this stone age PC tried to enter the dark web and downloaded child porn which was not the only thing that got downloaded, with it he invited a million notorious viruses. 

The idiot thought that he has deleted the porn but even a 5th grader knows that the file has to be deleted from the recycle bin. My job here is to figure out a way to kill the viruses. I've been told by Hansi that the PC contains very important, discreet information and that I have to save anyhow without any compromise. So I check for solutions on Google, lol. 

Just kidding, I know my shit. I've been doing it since I was 7, a geek kid who found validation by defeating viruses. At 25, I have more experience than this fat pig's salary number. I start with the basics first, running the virus checks show that the virus is way more notorious than I had anticipated and worse, it is on the C drive, which is apparently filled with confidential information.

Hansi has gone to the loo, I quickly check the drive and it blows my mind. The drive is filled with aadhar card data of at least 10 lac people. It is beyond me that this chutiya has been trusted with this information and in this pc. Fuck it's started to heat so much. I am not even started yet and the system has started to give up on me, pretty much like my father. Uhh, I need to concentrate. I insert my hard disc and begin to work. I have to figure out a way to back up the data before cleaning the drive. 

I am working very intently as Hansi comes to me, places his chair right beside, smokes a cigarette and asks me, "Why is it taking so long?" I wish I could tell him, "Khud kar le" but I just tell him without looking, "At it sir. Finishing asap." I need to tell this guy that the system is fucked and that it's the mother dies or the child dies situation. So we save the computer or the data of 1 million people. "Sir, is your pc important?" "Why you ask? He's tensed." "Arre sir, the viruses have attacked the c drive. Very difficult to save the pc. So we'll have to transfer the data to other drive to save the data but that would fuck the pc, I mean kill your pc." He was clearly not impressed hearing this. He started panicking. "No no. If the pc stops working, it will go for inspection by the higher authority and it will compromise all my personal data. Can't be doing that. Find another way." I now understand the panic. The pc is filled with the kind of porn that could land him in jail. 

But he's not understanding that if the data is fucked, he'll not be jailed but hanged until he stops squirming like a pig that he is. "Sir, I get it. But the data is very sensitive and I don't think there is a way that we can save both." "Aye, I'll call the other guy." Fucker doesn't know that the best in the country is in the room. I let him do what he wants to. He dials a guy who helps hack into ex girlfriend's Instagram for cheap money. The guy knows me. "Oh okay." I know what he has said. He comes back and tries to talk to me like a human. "Bro please, you have to find a way." I shake my head, "Sir you have to understand, I have tried everything and told you what can be the solution." He starts panicking and fidgets like he's in an animal cage and then does the obvious. 

Makes a neat whiskey glass for himself, gulps it down like water. And again and again and again. He then comes, dizzying comes and sits back in the chair. "Fuck the janta, they are all anyway North Indians, bhenchod. They don't consider us Indians. Save my pc. I'll tell them the pc was stolen, burn it after backing up the data. I want it. Can't download it again bhenchod." It takes me a few moments to realize what this mofo is saying. I look at him blankly. "Kar le chutiye. 10 lac dunga. Tere 1 saal ki salary bhi nahi hai itni." It is lucrative but I have to do a risk analysis before saying yes. 

What if I'm caught in the end? But the amount he's offering is insane. It'd sort the business setup that I wish to do so that I don't have to work with these government crooks anymore. "Bol jaldi" the pig has no patience. "Okay sir. I'll do it." The fat pig drags himself to the work desk, takes the cheque out from the drawer and starts writing. He signs it and comes towards me, as he does, the fat pig loses his balance and falls head first on the floor. He's a goner. The floor legit shook for 4 seconds. It again took me a few moments to realize that the cheque is right there.

I can rush in 15 mins to the bank and get the cash in my account, while fucking his pc and his life forever. The reason can be as simple as that I couldn't save the virus, back up the data while encashing the amount. Hansi will not be able to say a word why he gave me the money as it'd invite further investigation. All was set. I quickly finished the work. Backed up the data, went to the bank and deposited the cheque, went back home and began the binging. The chimps looked a little evolved today. I wonder why. 2 hrs later, Hansi sent me laughing while crying emoji and a few moments later, a msg from the bank that the cheque has bounced and 3,000 have been debited from my account. Fuck Hansi.

Gauri

She had achingly beautiful eyes. Like eyes of a new born. Unaged. If that’s a word. Eyes which feel like they’ve seen only the good side of the world or has not seen anything at all. With or without the kajal, it worked and how.

“Oh hello”, she snaps her finger in front of my eyes. I wake up. “Where do you keep zoning out?” she asks. Now how do I ever explain to her where I was without thinking about 1000 other ways and ruining it forever what I actually want to tell her. “Nothing, nothing.” She gives me a ‘what even’ look before continuing with her story. The number of stories she has. I wonder if she has taken re birth as the Nani maa and is reverse ageing. 

But it works for me, I let her speak. It calms me down. The whole process of her talking and me listening or not, lol. But me listening overall helps me to have lesser thoughts running than they would ideally. The music has also stopped helping now. 

Neurologically it is said, that singing is the only activity that can help you stop thinking. Good singing or bad, it doesn’t matter. Science has failed in my case, I can’t stop thinking. The only thing that can maybe minimise my thinking is her voice and her stories. I’ve given in.

Okay, time for name reveal. Get ready. Im sure all of you have at least one name in your head, fitting the description. That is the beauty of literature, you find yourself and others in someone else’s story. 

The name is Gauri. Ya - pure, white, influential, Goddess like. She’s all of it. Apart from the gorgeous eyes and the talking skills, she’s smart and artistic. Has clothing aesthetic of a broken hearted artist who pledges to make every set of eyes to fall for her, as a revenge for one set of eyes who she couldn’t please. Cruel. 

Yes she’s like that but on the face of it, she’s the cutest piece of shit you’ve seen. You’d want to squish her, bomb a million kisses on her forehead. Rare, isn’t it? When you want to kiss the forehead more than the lips. Ya, she’s rare. There’s this particular way in which she moves her hands while she talks. Like she’s an abacus student doing mental calculations while speaking and thought filtering. Unbelievable with that much talking, she still has thoughts which have been filtered and not been said. 

Gauri is not at all a smooth talker though, she repeats more than she says. She loses thought mid sentence and retries. Like she’s just learnt sentence formation in 3rd standard. But there are times when she’s silent, silent that can remind you of death, silent. And she’ll never look at you when she’s silent. She’ll look at the unpainted wall, that ugly drawing, the infinite mess in your room and the ground like there’s a goldmine there. But she’ll never look at you when she’s silent. I know, for sure, it is when she’s silent, she thinks the most. Like a thousand galaxies running concurrently around her brain and she trying to give sun rays, energy and moonlight to all of these planets concurrently. You stop one planet and it’ll be the big bang. New order. So you let her be, in silence. 

Gauri has been loved so much by her parents. Always. Na, she’s not the broken kid you get attracted to. Broken is easy to get attracted to. Isn’t it? But it is as easy or shall I say easier with Gauri. She’s the striking opposite, so so loved by her parents that you want to enter the race and top the race of loving her. But you fail every time. “Mom dad did this today. They said this. They brought this.” And you end up thinking, ah shit. We never matching that. You lose everyday and that is what keeps you going. Waiting for that few moments of sweet victory to come. It’s like RCB fans waiting to win the IPL once for god’s sake! So you keep going. A smile here, a laughter there from that beautiful face and you’re done. She makes bare minimum feel like a mountain climbing feat. You might be tired by the end of it but you’re always aiming for the new high peak to climb. 

Gauri is that shortcoming which you always want to overcome. The habit which you always want to inculcate. The dream which you write and manifest every fucking day and wish that it’ll get realized one day. 

She snaps again and hits my arm hard this time. “Bro, one hit and you’ll fall on your face. You know that right?” I smile. The cuteass minion. Wish I could tell her, “I have fallen already.” But I let it pass. 

Back to the achingly beautiful, childlike eyes. The voice that will calm me down. Back to her talking and my silence. I have to give sun rays, energy and moonlight to all these planets concurrently. It was almost the big bang, new order when she stopped me. But we’re back to work now.